I doubt you will find any etiquette maven who will say there's something wrong with gift registries.
It's including any mention of gifts whatsoever in an invitation or announcement that is tacky. If there is no slip in the announcement saying "the happy couple is registered at JC Penny" etc., and you want to know where they are registered, you--the gifter--are supposed to call and ask politely. It should never, ever be the person expecting the gift who mentions it, because then...well, it shows they're expecting a gift. They should be perfectly prepared for everyone who gets an invitation or announcement to give them nothing at all. And an announcement that you are registered somewhere makes it uncomfortable for the recipient who either cannot afford to shop at the specified place, or prefers to hand-make gifts or gift something they already own, or who simply does not wish to gift the person.
It's different with a baby shower or surprise party, where the inviter is not the same as the honoree.
Etiquette is meant to provide guidelines for social interactions that divides up obligations on the shoulders that should bear them. It is a greater affront to be urged to give a gift (subtly or otherwise) that you do not want to give than to be gifted something you cannot use.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-09-05 02:58 pm (UTC)It's including any mention of gifts whatsoever in an invitation or announcement that is tacky. If there is no slip in the announcement saying "the happy couple is registered at JC Penny" etc., and you want to know where they are registered, you--the gifter--are supposed to call and ask politely. It should never, ever be the person expecting the gift who mentions it, because then...well, it shows they're expecting a gift. They should be perfectly prepared for everyone who gets an invitation or announcement to give them nothing at all. And an announcement that you are registered somewhere makes it uncomfortable for the recipient who either cannot afford to shop at the specified place, or prefers to hand-make gifts or gift something they already own, or who simply does not wish to gift the person.
It's different with a baby shower or surprise party, where the inviter is not the same as the honoree.
Etiquette is meant to provide guidelines for social interactions that divides up obligations on the shoulders that should bear them. It is a greater affront to be urged to give a gift (subtly or otherwise) that you do not want to give than to be gifted something you cannot use.